Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
that's an acceptable place to lick
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
