I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
