I got chris browned last night
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Say something about gay babies.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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