Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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