i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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