Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize