fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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