Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize