I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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