I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
whose parrot is this?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
