he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
