Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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