I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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