I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
