Someone shit on the floor
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
