The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Are we still banned from the library?
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
