In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize