I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
