Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
