highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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