I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
