My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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