we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
