drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
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We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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