I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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