wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize