Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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