the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
