either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
