i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
