He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
