I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
