PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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