Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
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