I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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