why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
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