..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
