So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
