I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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