Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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