i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
