I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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