peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
