I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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