Ambien. No doubt about it.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
