when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Randomize
