his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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