Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
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