11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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