Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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