How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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