Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
so let's talk penis.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
