so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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