a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
