If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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