Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
