Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
So squirting runs in the family.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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