Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
