i just had sex bonerless
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
