Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
