I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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