Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
