A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
