apparently the secret to your success is patron
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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