She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
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Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
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His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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