You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
