I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
