She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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