woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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