I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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