Me too!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
