the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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