just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
