There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
