My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
