Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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